i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this just has baby written all over it
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize