I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
