Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
