lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
