I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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