Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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