Nicole vs. Life
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
