Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
