she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
