shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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