So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
