Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
