I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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