I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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