it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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