also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
not ubering you a puppy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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