he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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