The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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