I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
