I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
