Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
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