Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
