the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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