i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
