I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
ugly people sure do ruin things
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
