i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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