um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
