Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
