just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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