So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
