I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
