We need to rekindle our bromance
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?