so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
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We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work