I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
