This house was built for laser tag.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome