Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
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When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.