I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.