kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..