woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!