Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.