that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!