My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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