the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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