Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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