I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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