Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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