I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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