We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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