I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
