im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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