I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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