I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
