i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This is the high leading the old right now
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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