so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
