So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
