The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
