that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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