Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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