i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
