I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
is it fun? or sober?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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