I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
