He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
