The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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