Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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