i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
