Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize