very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
People in love make me want to vomit
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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