My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
