When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
