I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
