you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
