I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
