that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
