Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
