I'll bet she douches with gravy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
