Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
