Who wears a wallet chain?!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
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we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
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My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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