How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
