Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
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