hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
