I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
