Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
