everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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