Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Pooping to opera.
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