Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
