Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
