That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
