i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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