I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
