i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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