The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
